I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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