so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
