You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
