I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
