He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
