4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
