When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
