This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
