Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
