kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
