i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
