I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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