The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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