i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
