My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
