im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
