I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
