Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
