Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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