if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
