did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
