he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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