My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
