meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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