if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
