Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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