it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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