so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
