Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
