you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
