so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
