Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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