Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
