i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
