Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
