WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
