You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
