I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
