I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i already hear my dad disowning me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
