everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
