i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
