Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
