I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
