just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
