just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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