I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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