good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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