Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
