your parents love me but you hate me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
