we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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