she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
