she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
