I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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